These guys can't wait to hear what you have to say!The idea that you can resolve conflict without fighting or, better yet, not even knowing how to fight or protect yourself is what these methods imply. Kids are taught that bullying is wrong and that bullies can be handled in a nonviolent manner. Adults are lead to believe that they can talk their way out of any situation no matter how dangerous and violent the criminal is. We are all lead to believe that you can resolve conflict without having to resort to violence. In reality, this could not be farther from the truth.
All decisions you make are based on a risk reward decision. Every thing from what to eat for breakfast to what you do at work or who you're going to sleep with is based on risk reward. For example, catching an STD (sexually transmitted disease) doe not sound appealing, but if you were to catch that disease sleeping with Angelina Jolie...well, it just might be worth it.
Criminals operate on the same risk reward function. The criminal and bully risk three things:
The Three Things Every Criminal Fears
1. Being caught
2. Being identified
3. Being injured
The success of verbal judo is directly proportional to the chances of any one of these three things happening to the attacker.
Depending on the payoff or desperation, the criminal will allow a greater risk of these three things to happen. If a bully were to think he was going to get in trouble or get his ass kicked, he would simply move to the next target. The reason you are able to persuade anyone from robbing, raping, killing or bullying you is if you can convince them that one of those three things will happen to them if they chose you as a victim.
This only works if you are believable. The same holds true in the realm of international diplomacy. Do you really think the North Koreans wouldn't be marching in the streets of Seoul if the US wasn't in the mix? People get very diplomatic when they realize that there is a rel potential of physical harm. Like the saying goes, "I get a lot more with a kind word and a gun, than just a kind word."
Verbal judo skills are great for police because, well, they're cops, with guns and back up and jail and lawyers and lock up. What works well for a court appointed, heavily armed member of the law enforcement community might not go over so well for an unarmed housewife from Wichita.
In fact, the whole idea of verbal judo or anti-bullying techniques only works when the potential victim demonstrates to the aggressor that there is a greater chance of one of the 3 things every criminal fears.
Listen, no verbal judo is going to stop a career criminal taking what he wants if he doesn't think something is going to happen to him. The problem is you project your set of morals and ethics to a criminal or a bully. Do you think a junkie is worried about his quarterly review or his final exams? Do you think a bully cares that you're going to be scared?
The reason that criminals and bullies engage in such behavior is because there is something wrong with them. Something in their brain has misfired and caused them to engage in this deviant behavior. Accept the fact that they have abandoned all reasoning.
Deviants are like mean dogs. Normally, a socialized dog is something not to be feared, but a mean dog that has been either abused by Micheal Vick or feral, is something that should be corrected or destroyed. When you see the man dog you don't think to yourself "That looks like my dog at home, maybe if I give him a treat, or pet him, he'll be nice?"
Humans are the same way, most are good because they want to be or have to be, some can be corrected and others have to be destroyed. There is just no reasoning with them. Your first clue that something is wrong with them is that they engage in criminal behavior.
All of your powers of persuasion will only work if you can back it up. This comes from confidence which comes from experience. Experience comes from proper training, preparation and real life situations. The more your prepare, the more confidence you exude. Please don't confuse "confidence" with "bravado". confidence is something that is acquired over time, bravado is something that is manufactured and empty.
Listen. we're all animals at our core and you can't deny your instincts. You can tell when someone looks tough or gives you a "vibe" that they may be a problem. The more you train and the more real life experiences you have the more you become in tune to this. Criminals. living out on the street are very in tune with this. In the marketing for The Self Defense training System [url]http://www.theselfdefenseco.com[/url] we use the saying "BE FEARED". And while to some this may have a bullying connotation, in the street it's all about sending a message to would be predators. We want them to fear you. It's an attitude that is required when dealing with a segment of society that has decided not to play by the rules. we're not talking about scaring friends, family members and co-workers (OK, maybe a little), we're talking about taking the power back. The power of fear.
Bad people don't understand reasoning, they understand fear. Don't sell me the "hooker with a heart of gold". Criminals will say and do anything in order to satisfy their deviant wants and desires. I have a few friends and acquaintances over the years who work in Special Victims Units and catch people trying to procure 8 year old girls for their sick, perverted needs. These sub-humans think they are talking to the father of the child in hopes of taking custody of the child so they can "raise them" like Elizabeth Smart or Jaycee Dugard. How do you think their moral compass works? Do you think these people have the same thoughts that you have?
You can study all the verbal judo and take all of the anti-bullying seminars you want, but it's not going to do you lick of good if you can't back up what your saying by increasing the potential of the 3 things ever criminal fears: Identified, Caught or Injured.
Diplomacy begins with building up your military forces not diplomats.
Until next time, Train Honestly,
Damian Ross, CEO The Self Defense Company
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Damian,
ReplyDeleteYou hit the nail with the hammer with your post. There's no mumbo-jumbo about these people who are misunderstood, or they have had a hard life etc. They are deviants and predators. And deserve no quarter because they give none. As Sean Connery said in the Untouchables, when they sent someone to the hospital, sent them to the fricken morgue. End of.
I agree with your post Damian. The truth is that criminals de-humanize normal, average, law-abiding citizens. They don't care that we work to get we want - they just want what they want. So they'll steal, rape, assault, and bully whoever they want.
ReplyDeleteSo they carry weapons, knives, and prepare themeselves for opportunities to arrive. This is why it's important to for us to be prepared also. We need to learn how to defend ourselves. We need to put ourselves in the upper hand.
Talking may help, but what happens if it doesn't? What do we do then?