Lament for the REAL MAN?

What the Hell Happened to Real Men?

When I was young it was stand up for the girl, stand up for what is right, don't back down from bullies and never hit a guy with glasses. Real men always did the right thing. They took care of their families and put food on the table.

We had role models like Mike Brady of the Brady Bunch, James Evans of Goodtimes, Steve Douglas of My Three Sons and good old Ward Cleaver of Leave it to Beaver. On the big screen there was Stallone, Eastwood, Lee Marvin, Robert Mitchum, and of course the Duke "John Wayne". They represented the man of the time:
they worked, they fought, they were faithful and honorable. They took responsibility and had accountability.

The dads I knew went to work and loved mom. He dispensed kindness and discipline with the wisdom of Solomon. He showed you how to take responsibility, treat a woman with respect, showed compassion and kindness and was willing to fight for his beliefs.

Unfortunately, somewhere along the line those ideals became outdated and antiquated to caveman proportions. Men have been force fed their feminine side. Ideals have have been replaced with "reality". "Reality" is code for shifting focus from the good to the bad. Let's face it, you watch reality shows for the train wrecks, not the triumphs.

"Reality" has become the new truth and it's perverted. Our effort to show this new "truth" men has destroyed the image of REAL MEN. We are taught that real men are narrow-minded Neanderthals incapable of being humane. They are 2 dimension throwbacks that objectify women and are prone to violence.

Real men have been taught that all violence is bad. That violence doesn't solve anything. Well, it may not solve anything, but it sure stops a lot of shit. Violence is a SOLUTION, not an ANSWER.

Real men have been forced into social sensitivity training. We have been told it's OK to cry. Listen, real men only cry at funerals, Old Yeller and when they retire from professional sports. They can shed an occasional tear, but no more than two.

In the media men are unfaithful, cheat are deadbeat and nonexistent. They have been portrayed as buffoons an inept providers. Cliff Huckstable has been replaced by Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin. The new series Modern Family portrays the DADS like this: One is like an impetuous child, another is an antiquated tough guy with the proverbial wife who is 25 years younger and finally the homosexual couple who have my gay friends saying "they're a little over the top." Hell, even Spider-man and Superman developed "issues".

If left to use the mass media example of a what a real man is, my son will have 3 kids with 3 different mothers, no job and be living in my basement for the next 30 years eating nothing but peanut butter and crackers, smoking pot and playing Gears of War 15.

My daughter will learn to accept any substandard behavior because her expectations will be lowered to the point of ZERO. She will be mistreated and abused while moving from one failed relationship to another. Doesn't it bother anybody that the rate of divorce is 50%.

We have been told that marriage is unnatural and outdated. That animals are not monogamous, so how can you expect humans to be? Really, have we put our intellect on the level of the rest of the animal kingdom? People cheat and there's a high rate of divorce because the men you created are little whining maggots too concerned with their fulfillment. You have made them so sensitive that they question EVERY ASPECT OF THEIR LIVES. They are insecure, congratulations on your new inner child!

Listen, there are some people who shouldn't be together. But growing apart is....BULLSHIT!!! How can you grow apart when you live together. What happens is you get too distracted by your own world and FORGOT what you promised each other....how the hell did I wind up here?

Back on track.

The media will not help you. Time to turn off the TV and teach our kids to hold themselves to a higher standard. To be accountable and assume responsibility.

So far I have created a list of rules I am going to instill in my kids. The list is a work in progress but here goes.
For starters my son will:
1. Hold the door open for a woman
2. Pick up the check
3. Know how to protect himself
4. Stand up for what he thinks is right
5. Know that NO means NO.
6. To treat women with respect and kindness
7. To own his mistakes
8. To never kiss on the first date
9. To help the little guy in trouble
10.To play hard and by the rules
11. To know that steroids are not an acceptable performance enhancer
12. To be honest and loyal to his friends and family until given sufficient reason otherwise.
13. Never send a digital image of any body part, whatsoever.
14. Always be polite

My daughter will:
1. Never wait for a boy
2. Never do anything just because it's time or for the sake of doing it
3. Know how to protect herself
4. Know how she should be treated
5. To never pick up a check
6. To be honest and loyal to friends and family until given sufficient reason otherwise
Stand up for what he thinks is right
7. Know that NO means NO.
8. To treat men with respect and honesty
9. To own his mistakes
10. To never kiss on the first date
11. To help the little guy in trouble
12.To play hard and by the rules
13. Never send a digital image of any body part, whatsoever
14. Always be polite

The bar for behavior has been set so low that I don't think it even exists. Other than murder and rape, most everything is fair game. Like LtCol Slade in Scent of a Woman said "Grow up! [Today]It's fuck your buddy, cheat on your wife, call your mother on Mother's Day!"

Well not on my watch. I will not accept the "anything is good enough standard" that is set. I will not let myself or my family settle. We will strive to be a better son, daughter, friend, sister, brother and coworker. They will expect more of themselves and not at the expense of losing themselves. They will understand the virtues of a REAL MAN.

Damian Ross
The Self Defense Company
Family Safe Program
The Self Defense Training System